It is a few days out from Christmas and in today’s blog post I want to offer support & encouragement to anyone that maybe dealing with family issues or estrangement during this festive season.
It is fairly hard to be an adult child and feel like your family has abandoned you or to feel like you have no other choice but to walk away from family who continually hurt you. It sucks, gosh it is hard, heck it is hard enough writing this post, but I feel it may help someone… So if you are dealing with this right now, I am sorry. I get it.
I filmed a video the other day talking about this, I admit it’s a bit rambly and a bit long – so if you want to watch, I highly recommend you go get a cup a tea/snack/cold drink and then click HERE.
But if you would just like a few tips on how to deal with family estrangement or toxic people, especially at Christmas read on…
- Refocus your vision. Instead of focusing on who isn’t in your life, focus on who is. Focusing on those who aren’t in your life, is heartbreaking & can bring up a lot of angry feelings. So instead focus on those who actively participate in your life and bring value to it.
- We can’t control the actions of others. Remember this, it doesn’t matter who they are – parents, siblings, children, partners – we ultimately cannot control anyone but ourselves.
- Set boundaries. If you are forced to be around people who are toxic during Christmas, set boundaries. Protect yourself, don’t put yourself in a position to be alone with them, have an exit plan if you start getting upset or hurt and remain respectful.
- Don’t lower yourself. It is easy to say this and not so easy to do this, but when someone is hurting you, don’t go out of your way to hurt them back. Their behaviour is their choice, you look after yourself – your mental & emotional health and make sure you are behaving to a standard you are proud of. Admittedly everyone occasionally says something they wish they hadn’t or let’s anger take over their mind, in this case – try and pull yourself up and walk away or hang up the phone.
- Let go of negative feelings. Let go of anger, stress, resentment & bitterness.
- Understand everything happens for a reason. This sounds dreadful in this context. Like it’s hard to understand God’s plan for removing people you love from your life, or forcing you to remove people you do love but you can no longer tolerate hurtful behaviour from. But I truly believe everything is part of a greater plan, we just can’t see it yet. Perhaps the person will never be apart of your life again or maybe you just need a time out from them, who know’s time apart could strengthen your relationship… Everyone’s circumstance is different. But everything happens for a reason.
- Don’t be hard on yourself & be prepared. If you have made a decision to distance yourself from family members, be gentle with yourself. Not every person will understand, agree with or respect your choice – be prepared for that. You may lose even more people you love, because of the fall out from this decision. Many people will try & guilt trip you – especially around events like Christmas, if you went through gradual steps and the separation is a mature & thought out decision, don’t feel you owe it to anyone to explain why. You can of course, but be strong in your choice and know that your decision was for the best for yourself/& your family at this current time. Often outside people don’t see a side of a person that you may, so they may not understand what you have been through. Toxic people are great at playing the victim & you maybe painted as a villian.
- Reconciliation. If you want it to happen, reach out. But prepared to have that talk about issues and also your part in the estrangement. If you don’t want to reconcile but the others do, be respectful if you respond or just say nothing. You don’t have to have a relationship with someone or accept being treated poorly just because they are family. Christmas seems like an ideal time for reconciliation, because everyone wants family at Christmas – but I highly suggest thoroughly thinking it through seriously, would you and the other person would be in the right mental/emotional state in such a busy month to properly reconcile. Remember it takes 2 people to mend a relationship & both have to be willing and also have empathy. Some toxic people lack the skills to be empathetic – so reconciling can be hard – even impossible and it may actually require professional help. Christmas may not be the ideal time to do this.
- Seek help & talk. Chatting to a trusted friend or your partner/spouse maybe all you need, but maybe speaking to a professional or seeking out a support group is what you need. Don’t let your feelings build up so you explode – talking is very helpful.
- Lose all expectations & don’t compare. If you don’t expect anything you can’t get hurt. I am still learning this and it is hard. I don’t mean material items, but basic support & love. The very basic things we expect from family. And try not to compare your relationships to others, this is also tough. Remember comparison is the thief of joy and if you have no expectations – you can’t be disappointed.
Friends, I hope these tips may help you during the holiday season. If you are feeling abandoned, alone or forced into a decision you wish you didn’t have to make – I am sorry. I understand – I truly do. It is very heartbreaking & hard.
To hear me ramble & be a little raw about this topic please click HERE. But be warned the video is a bit all over the place.
Or for more support please check out this organisation. Stand Alone
This post/video is designed to help people and that is the motive behind posting it.
So after much deliberation and then asking my instagram followers I have decided to do VLOGMAS this year…
Vlogmas for those that don’t know is one video per day between the 1st of December until the 25th.
To check out my first video please click HERE.
If you have any suggestions for videos you would like to see during vlogmas please comment below or connect with me on social media!
Have a great weekend!
Yesterday I asked on Insta stories if you would prefer to read a random blog post or for me to share a bit of personal life update/video… The life update won, so here we go…
Many of you would have clued onto this by now, but we have moved.
We sold our house last month, moved towns and are currently renting (argh…) but it’s short term & I keep focusing on the end goal… Mid next year, we will be moving into our newly built home and I cannot wait. We are in the final stages currently of finalising the plan.
Now, I never thought I would build a house and the only reason I am confident to build is because Trent is a builder and can explain everything so well to me, even if he has to actually measure out every room and show me that way, because I don’t understand a plan… Sorry Trent. But he is great & he has come up with some great adjustments to the original plan to make the home more functional for us… We are also building with a great local company who have been really easy & wonderful to work with.
The only thing we are stuck on is if I should use his old work bench as my kitchen island… I really want an old rustic kitchen island & I love his work bench, it came with our first home and is an old rail way workshop bench… I keep asking if I can put it in the house, so far I haven’t been able to convince him… What do you think?
So if you would like to check out the video (which also includes a very real/chaotic house tour) click HERE.
So that explains why my site has been a little slow lately, life has just been pure chaos!
Now this move to many of you may seem spur of the moment but it isn’t, we’ve been quietly planning this move all year. Moving has been on the cards for us since last year & earlier this year we put our house up for sale, unfortunately we listed with an agent who didn’t have our best interest at heart and also in a slow market, but thankfully we found a new agent and a buyer & now here we are. We have been looking at properties all year, we went to inspect so many places I have lost count, we were tossing up between buying a farm or a small town block, and we decided to go ahead with a rural residential block in a really nice area of a small town we’ve grown to love. A small farm maybe on the cards for our next house move when the kids are older, but for now with very small children it wasn’t very realistic for us.
I know our house we moved from was lovely and very big & many of you have questioned why we moved, but it wasn’t the perfect long term house for us, it did serve us well for the time we needed it and we miss the pool & the house purely for sentimental reasons… One major flaw with that home was no linen closet!! WHAT THE? The people who designed the house clearly have no linen, unlike me! And that was 1 of many countless things that weren’t functional in that home, but knowing those flaws have benefited us greatly in designing our new home…
We are very happy to have the house sold and my stress levels are so much lower & living in a new & more positive area for us personally has been incredible. Many of you know the last 2 years have been very hard on me personally, that was also a factor in this move – moving somewhere kind & that wasn’t tarnished by “he said, she said” nonsense & full of people who meddle & cause trouble. I love the Toowoomba/Highfields/Meringandan area but it became a place we no longer felt good in.
So that’s where we are at… We are thankful that life is slowly calming down now and we are settling into a new rhythm for our everyday.
If you have any questions please comment below or on my social media. Or please give me some advice for designing/building a house!!!
Sorry for the silence, I took a week off, sometimes you need to do that.
Life is busy, like whirlwind full on nonstop busy! And I found I was spreading myself between one to many commitments and I couldn’t do any of them 100% and that just isn’t good for anyone and I was burning myself out, so I took a week off.
My main focus is always my family and everything comes 2nd to them – this week was a big one for our little family and I needed to focus 110% on that, (that will be discussed soon enough.)
But for now can I just say I am tired, like beyond tired. It has been an incredibly busy week, but it’s all slowing down – a few more days of fairly constant chaos and hopefully I’ll have more time to dive back into ModernWifeLife31.
For today’s blog post I just wanted to give some encouragement to any Mummas who maybe feeling worn out or like you have over committed. My advice is work out what is top priority to you. Your family, perhaps you work – so obviously that’s important, your health & general well being should be in your top 3 and whatever else that works for you – mentally make note of your top 3 important areas of life. Focus on them, if you are feeling spread to thin start saying no, drop some of the outside commitments. Our mental, emotional and general health are so important and if we are burning ourselves out, that will benefit no one. We will just exhaust and break ourselves. We must take care of ourselves in order to care for others. Remember this! This is crucial. Running ourselves into the ground so we are totally burnt out is no good, we need to stay strong and well so we can care for those we love… (Because honestly, being sick as a mum sucks and we don’t need that!)
So say no, decline an invite, don’t volunteer for that extra project, ask for help, put something on hold, let something go for a short time – do whatever works for you to lessen the load on you.
If you are feeling burnt out, overwhelmed or just need to reset, check out this blog post full of great tips HERE.
We can’t do it all, we try to – I know… But sometimes something has to give before we give out completely. I’m sorry my little blog was the thing that needed to give – I promise I will be back in full force soon, but for now I am just taking a little break – life is chaos & my brain & body is just a bit tired.
If you have emailed or messaged me, I am working on replies – sorry I haven’t been as speedy as normal!
Stay connected with me on social media…
For today’s video I have my SPRING MORNING ROUTINE. You can watch it HERE.
Now, my routine evolves with whatever is going in our life & also with the seasons… The days are starting sooner now & the mornings are so beautiful & warm so we are able to get out and enjoy time outside before the heat of the day.
This routine is when Trent is on day shift, when he is on days off & night shift the routine may change slightly… But when he is on days on, this is pretty much what I do every morning up until around 9:30am. I get a lot done between when we wake up and until Tommy has his first nap. I get my jobs for the day out of the way as fast as possible so the children and I can enjoy our day.
My typical morning looks like;
- Wake up anywhere between 5:30am-6:30am… Then snuggle in bed!
- I start my diffuser, I use doTERRA essential oils... (If you would like more info on them please feel free to message me or click HERE.) In this particular video I am using grapefruit, litsea & easy air. I find this blend uplifting & motivating and easy air helps with sinus!
- I unload the dishwasher (I always run my dishwasher each night)
- I make our breakfast.
- The kids go in the playroom to play.
- I clean the kitchen, wipe down benches, take rubbish out and clean the highchair.
- Make my bed. My bed has to be made each day!
- I get myself ready for the day, I like to do really basic makeup & fix my hair quickly, that way I just feel a little better about myself.
- Put on a load of laundry.
- Dress the kids, clean teeth etc.
- Vacuum & mop.
- Then we all head out into the backyard to water our gardens.
- We go for a walk around our local area.
- Peg the laundry out.
- Come inside, wash hands.
- LuLu has quiet play time while I cuddle Tommy to sleep.
- LuLu and I have some fruit together.
That’s our usual routine and I feel having predictable days is so good for kids, they know what’s happening and are more at ease.
What does a normal morning at your house usually look like?
Let me know in the comments below or connect with me on social media…
PS: Want to win an elf door from Kmart?? Check out the posts on Instagram and Facebook!!
We are at the start of a week long heat wave… We have had and are expecting temperatures in the low to mid 30s! (90ish degrees Fahrenheit temperatures) And for some places high 30s/low 40s!! And it’s only the first month of spring!! It’s HOT!
So today my brain is not working that great, I love spring, but summer heat – eh, not so much. I can handle temps up until about 30degrees, after that it just feels like death!
So I thought I would share some tips to stay cool in this heat…
10 tips for beating the heat with kids…
How are you staying cool this week?
Let me know in the comments below or on social media…
Stay cool friends, I am dreading to know what Summer will be like if this is only spring!
I thought for today’s post I would share our first family vlog. I know my videos normally go up on Friday’s but this is just a bonus type of video.
We attended the Toowoomba Carnival of Flowers parade on Saturday and we filmed a little… So if you would like to check it out click HERE.
We love TCOF time, there are so many wonderful things to do in our town and Toowoomba is just full of beautiful blooms!
Did you attend the parade? Or what was your favourite float from our video?
Let me know in the comments below or connect with me on social media!
Thanks so much for stopping by, have a great week!