10 tips for Handling toxic people & family estrangement at Christmas.

Hey friends,
It is a few days out from Christmas and in today’s blog post I want to offer support & encouragement to anyone that maybe dealing with family issues or estrangement during this festive season.
It is fairly hard to be an adult child and feel like your family has abandoned you or to feel like you have no other choice but to walk away from family who continually hurt you. It sucks, gosh it is hard, heck it is hard enough writing this post, but I feel it may help someone… So if you are dealing with this right now, I am sorry. I get it.

I filmed a video the other day talking about this, I admit it’s a bit rambly and a bit long – so if you want to watch, I highly recommend you go get a cup a tea/snack/cold drink and then click HERE.
But if you would just like a few tips on how to deal with family estrangement or toxic people, especially at Christmas read on…

  1. Refocus your vision. Instead of focusing on who isn’t in your life, focus on who is. Focusing on those who aren’t in your life, is heartbreaking & can bring up a lot of angry feelings. So instead focus on those who actively participate in your life and bring value to it.
  2. We can’t control the actions of others. Remember this, it doesn’t matter who they are – parents, siblings, children, partners – we ultimately cannot control anyone but ourselves.
  3. Set boundaries. If you are forced to be around people who are toxic during Christmas, set boundaries. Protect yourself, don’t put yourself in a position to be alone with them, have an exit plan if you start getting upset or hurt and remain respectful.
  4. Don’t lower yourself. It is easy to say this and not so easy to do this, but when someone is hurting you, don’t go out of your way to hurt them back. Their behaviour is their choice, you look after yourself – your mental & emotional health and make sure you are behaving to a standard you are proud of. Admittedly everyone occasionally says something they wish they hadn’t or let’s anger take over their mind, in this case – try and pull yourself up and walk away or hang up the phone.
  5. Let go of negative feelings. Let go of anger, stress, resentment & bitterness.
  6. Understand everything happens for a reason. This sounds dreadful in this context. Like it’s hard to understand God’s plan for removing people you love from your life, or forcing you to remove people you do love but you can no longer tolerate hurtful behaviour from. But I truly believe everything is part of a greater plan, we just can’t see it yet. Perhaps the person will never be apart of your life again or maybe you just need a time out from them, who know’s time apart could strengthen your relationship… Everyone’s circumstance is different. But everything happens for a reason.
  7. Don’t be hard on yourself & be prepared. If you have made a decision to distance yourself from family members, be gentle with yourself. Not every person will understand, agree with or respect your choice – be prepared for that. You may lose even more people you love, because of the fall out from this decision. Many people will try & guilt trip you – especially around events like Christmas, if you went through gradual steps and the separation is a mature & thought out decision, don’t feel you owe it to anyone to explain why. You can of course, but be strong in your choice and know that your decision was for the best for yourself/& your family at this current time. Often outside people don’t see a side of a person that you may, so they may not understand what you have been through. Toxic people are great at playing the victim & you maybe painted as a villian.
  8. Reconciliation. If you want it to happen, reach out. But prepared to have that talk about issues and also your part in the estrangement. If you don’t want to reconcile but the others do, be respectful if you respond or just say nothing. You don’t have to have a relationship with someone or accept being treated poorly just because they are family.  Christmas seems like an ideal time for reconciliation, because everyone wants family at Christmas – but I highly suggest thoroughly thinking it through seriously, would you and the other person would be in the right mental/emotional state in such a busy month to properly reconcile. Remember it takes 2 people to mend a relationship & both have to be willing and also have empathy. Some toxic people lack the skills to be empathetic – so reconciling can be hard – even impossible and it may actually require professional help. Christmas may not be the ideal time to do this.
  9.  Seek help & talk. Chatting to a trusted friend or your partner/spouse maybe all you need, but maybe speaking to a professional or seeking out a support group is what you need. Don’t let your feelings build up so you explode – talking is very helpful.
  10. Lose all expectations & don’t compare. If you don’t expect anything you can’t get hurt. I am still learning this and it is hard. I don’t mean material items, but basic support & love. The very basic things we expect from family. And try not to compare your relationships to others, this is also tough. Remember comparison is the thief of joy and if you have no expectations – you can’t be disappointed.

Friends, I hope these tips may help you during the holiday season. If you are feeling abandoned, alone or forced into a decision you wish you didn’t have to make – I am sorry. I understand – I truly do. It is very heartbreaking & hard.
To hear me ramble & be a little raw about this topic please click HERE. But be warned the video is a bit all over the place.
Or for more support please check out this organisation. Stand Alone

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This post/video is designed to help people and that is the motive behind posting it.

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Meeting Santa’s Reindeer. {Vlogmas day 4}

Hey friends,

So, so far I have uploaded for 4 days consecutively, woo hoo go me… Going into vlogmas I was a little worried how I would go, but that being said the month is still young and I will congratulate myself properly on boxing day.
Anyway, on Saturday our local shopping centre hosted Santa’s arrival complete with a reindeer to meet!
Naturally we were there eagerly waiting to see Santa and his sweet friend and I vlogged that day – well, the best I could, on my own with 2 small children…
To check out our vlog from that day, please click HERE.
And a few snaps of the star of the show, “Radar” the red deer…

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I hope you all have had a lovely weekend.
I hope you enjoyed our first “daily vlog” for Vlogmas… If you have any video requests please let me know in the comments. 
If you have missed some of the vlogmas videos so far you can watch
DAY 1
,
DAY 2 &
DAY 3

by clicking on them. Or check out my youtube channel HERE.
Have a lovely day
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VLOGMAS Day 1.

Hey friends,
So after much deliberation and then asking my instagram followers I have decided to do VLOGMAS this year…
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Vlogmas for those that don’t know is one video per day between the 1st of December until the 25th.
To check out my first video please click HERE.

If you have any suggestions for videos you would like to see during vlogmas please comment below or connect with me on social media!
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Have a great weekend!
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5 tips to stay sane with THE ELF ON THE SHELF! 

Hi friends…
It’s the 27th of November… Despite that being both of my brother’s birthday, it is also 3 days until DECEMBER!!
Meaning, if you have an Elf on the Shelf – his arrival is coming up rather quickly…
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For today’s post I have 5 tips to make your elf’s visit pleasant rather than stressful…

  1. Make a plan, but don’t be too strict. I set out a monthly plan so I have inspiration and a general idea of what will happen – but I know I can easily swap days around, I also leave a few days blank so I can see how our month is going and add in plans we come up with later on. I even coordinated a few days with my best friend, so our kids can have Christmas themed play dates on certain days that the elf will announce. Having a plan is my top tip or even just 25-30 rough ideas of how to stage it, or just make a Pinterest board of elf ideas you love & wish to recreate. Basically, just have some ideas going into December with what you want to do. (Also have a plan for nights that you can’t be stuffed doing much with it, or a plan in case you forget to move it!)
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  2. Don’t go overboard, do not set unrealistic expectations or plan too big… December is a busy and big month for everyone – add in planing and setting up an extra visitor every night can be a lot of work. Keep it simple.
  3. Use what you have, don’t feel the need to buy all new props for the elf. Raid your kids toys. Our Generation, Lego, Barbie, basically any toys are great for elf accessories and props – even your Christmas decor!
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  4. Have fun, with it. Don’t view it as a chore – encourage your husband to even think up a few stunts for the elf so you can set it up together. Don’t over think it, like I said in point 2, just keep it simple and just have fun. Remember why you are doing it, it’s meant to bring happiness not stress…
  5. Your family, your rules… Everyone does the elf on the shelf differently, some people let the kids touch the elf, some don’t… Sometimes the elf comes earlier than December 1st & others only visit for 12 days before Christmas. Some elves just do funny antics, some bring little gifts or treats and some announce daily activities or do a combination of all! Every elf is unique – do what works for you and your family. There is no set rules, the elf & it’s antics can be as simple or as extravagant as you want… Don’t compare your elf to others. Comparison is the thief of joy, even with elves!
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Do you do Elf on the Shelf? What is your top tip for staying sane while staging your festive little friend?
Let me know below or on my social media…
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Keep an eye on my social media, I will share a photo of our elf Kringle’s new house this week!
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Christmas decor haul {VLOG}

Hi friends,

I cannot believe in 1month & 1 day we will be celebrating Christmas! Our elf on the shelf plans are coming together and my house is starting to feel very Christmassy… (If you like I can share some of our elf plans in the next blog post on Monday! In my last blog post HERE I shared our 2017 festive bucket list!)

I went shopping with my best friend the other week & purchased a few (a lot) of new Christmas items… So of course, I thought I would film a haul video to share with you all!
Click HERE to check out the video! I have purchased some extra Christmas things since filming this video, so make sure you keep an eye on my instagram, because I will share those over there!
Now on the topic of videos, I’m considering doing vlogmas… Maybe? Thoughts? (Vlogmas for those that don’t know, is 1 video everyday between 1-25th December…) 

Let me know what your favourite item from the haul was in the comments below, or catch up with me on my social media! (I would love to see your latest Christmas decor finds too!)
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(I have a competition running to win a December Domestic Goddess box, to enter check out THIS POST!)
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Christmas bucket list 2017.

Hi friends!

I can’t believe we are just over a month away from Christmas!! My mind is blown… Our tree is up and most of our decorations are out… To get into the festive season even more I have jumped on board the “Christmas bucket list” band wagon… (Thanks Kelle Hampton for the inspiration!) 

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Yes, I am well aware I own wayyy to many christmas DVDs.
What is on your Christmas bucket list? What is the one thing you MUST do every festive season?
I would love to know, comment below or connect with me on social media!
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(I have a competition running to win a December Domestic Goddess box, to enter check out THIS POST!)
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Kmart Elf door GIVEAWAY

Hey friends!
Well, this weeks been a bit of a whirlwind… Last week I posted about finding an elf door at Kmart, that went viral (over 267,000 views on Facebook!)

Then the Daily Mail shared a post I wrote which you can read HERE… From that came an offer to be in a magazine & also a spot on a morning talk show… Yep – TV.
I am a tiny bit nervous about that, yes I make YouTube videos – but they aren’t live TV! So yes, it’s all exciting and when things are more confirmed I’ll let you know. And what does one wear for a TV appearance?? Help!!

The Daily Mail also shared another one of my article todays, kind of stretched what I said a bit in that one though, but that happens… You can read that one HERE but keep in mind what I actually wrote can be found HERE & HERE... (my child does watch TV occasionally, mainly animal DVDs (movies or documentaries) but I stand by disliking Peppa Pig!) 

To celebrate a great week & to thank you all for liking, sharing & always supporting me, I am hosting a giveaway on my Facebook and Instagram.
You could win yourself an elf door! I have 2 to giveaway, so make sure you enter on both Facebook & Instagram so you double your chance to win!

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So make sure you head on over & enter!!
Good luck!
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