Sunday Series; Anger towards God and what’s on my heart & in my head. {IBD}

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So it’s been a while since I’ve done a “Sunday Series” and to be honest I wrote a bulk of this post – the raw & angry section on Friday night, in tears and on my phone while everyone else was asleep … But I chose not to hit post.
I prayed about it instead, gosh I was cross at God that night, He copped an earful from me… I feel like He is ok with that. I kept getting the feeling that every single damn thing we are hit with in life is a lesson, a blessing and those hard times are there to teach us something, even if it is just the story to tell – to help someone else. So who knows who this will help, maybe it’ll just help me to get it off my chest… But let’s do this…
Right now I am sitting in my room on a Saturday night, listening to my baby cry for me. He is ok, his Daddy has him – but that baby boy wants me and it’s breaking my heart. He wants to be fed back to sleep. He doesn’t understand why he can’t have “boobie” like he usually does… Twice last night he woke and far out was he angry that I wasn’t the one comforting him. I laid in bed, tears stinging my eyes as Trent cuddled him out in the lounge room. But I think I am getting ahead of myself, here’s what I wrote in the late hours of Friday night, while my face felt hot and had a constant pouring of tears…

Today (Friday) was hard, this Friday really sucked, I hate having a bad Friday – it’s like it jinxes the weekend.
I had my specialist appointment today where I knew we would be discussing “level 2 treatment” (for my IBD – if you would like to read about that you can CLICK HERE)
I failed the safest and most basic treatment, after starting my first lot of medication after my scopes at the beginning of July, 2-3 weeks later I started to struggle to breathe – that was a severe reaction. It was quiet traumatic for me, it was awful gasping for breath and nothing could be done except to let my body come off the medication. It took about 2 weeks and then I was fine, I could breath again normally. Anyway, the next treatment option is pretty hardcore, so intense that it’s 1 tablet per week. And folic acid tablets every other day of the week.
The shit part of this, (besides the IBD) is that I cannot have any more children in the near future. If I want to have anymore babies I have to be off this drug for 6 months. And sadly I have to cut short my breastfeeding with Tommy and that breaks my heart because I know he isn’t ready. He is ready in the sense that we smashed our goal of 1 year, on Friday funnily enough he was the exact same age Lucy was when I last fed her – 20 months and 3 days. But with Tommy I was hoping to get to 2years. Back when I was pregnant with him and diagnosed with IBD we thought I may not be able to feed at all I was so sick. But we did it, I’m proud of what we have achieved but I know he still needs me. And I still need that tiny shred of babyhood. Trent & I have talked about the reality of having no more kids for awhile. He is very happy with 2, I however would love like 10 – or at least 1 more, but I see where he is coming from. When I’m pregnant I get dreadfully ill and our world stops, I don’t want to put us through that again. I basically become a useless human and I can barely care for myself, let alone 2 small children – so I know having no more kids is the sensible choice. But hearing my doctor say that I cannot under any circumstances fall pregnant on this tablet was very shocking, because while a baby isn’t being planned if it happened it would be wonderful (& incredibly surprising). But now it’s very final. Like I know we won’t have another but this just makes it very certain for now. (I say for now, but that’s just my Mumma heart staying hopeful. The reality is – it won’t happen.)
I just wish I had that finished feeling so many women have, like I have friends that are 110% done with having babies, but I am not… But I know I have to be…

So letting go of that last moment of babyhood is rough, especially when it is happening so abruptly. My heart is broken. I hate this disease – I hate it so much. It’s stolen so much joy from my life. My pregnancy with Tommy was all about this stupid illness, I couldn’t enjoy life or being pregnant for my final time, I just was scared the entire time and now it’s cutting short our breastfeeding journey.
It’s fucked honestly.
Even doing this intense drug won’t cure this disease, it just hopefully puts it into remission and if everything goes to plan we can reassess in 1-2 years, my doctor said some people chose to come off of the treatment at that point but a high percentage relapse & she said judging by the severity of my disease, if we can manage it and then I chose to stop the drug there is a super high chance I would become ill again. But we will cross that bridge when we get there, we have to hope it works first or it’s onto the next medicine…
I had a whinge about this on my insta stories on Friday and I had a mixed response of messages. Some people were just beautiful & saying they are sorry & just being kind. Others were sensibly saying my health is most important and I’ve done well feeding Tommy, I should wean and start the treatment and others were saying to keep feeding him and put the treatment off. I feel those last group of people don’t actually understand my problem.
Trust me I asked my specialist this, she said very bluntly “you can wait, but if you do and I can confidently predict you are heading towards having a major flare up and how extensive your disease is, you’ll get so sick that we will be at a loss for treatment options”. Do you know what that then leaves us the only option for? Surgery. And my whole bowel is sick, not just parts, so if 1 part goes bad the whole thing is.
So to avoid surgery & options I don’t even want to consider yet, I know I need to try this medicine. Trent is 110% supportive of this, he told me it’s not even a question – we are going to wean Tommy and start the treatment. That’s why he is out there right now with one very cranky 20 month old.
So that is where I am at. Being forced to stop breastfeeding, something I love and I find is so special to me. With LuLu I weaned her at exactly the same age Tommy is now, but she was ready – she didn’t fuss or care. Tommy though is a Mumma’s boy, he is so attached to me – like LuLu is to Trent… Every baby is different and I know this is harder on him than it was her, and I think that is what upsets me the most. So for now, he only gets a feed at bedtime and that will phased out very shortly and I plan to start the medication ASAP.
In an ideal world I would opt out of the medication, drink a herbal tea or some sort of magic broth and be cured – but it’s not going to happen. This disease is incurable, only manageable and it doesn’t matter what magic diet you are on, it won’t change the fact my gut is trying to kill itself. My scopes revealed my entire large intestine has highly moderate active disease, the entire thing – like it’s every where. That is way, way worse than I ever thought, like the entire stupid thing is sick! Honestly for the past 2 years since I was diagnosed I’ve been telling myself I am actually “not that sick” – that it all could be just in my head… It was a bit of a smack in the face to be told “no you are sick, you need to do something about this or it will get very bad”.
I hate going to doctors appointments, I walk out so overwhelmed and confused. Being sick is dreadful enough, having to remember every result, medication and test is worse. Especially when your brain is foggy 98% of the time… I’m flat out remembering milk let alone everything else! I am just hopeless at being sick, I hate rest and I forget everything! During that appointment my recent blood tests also confirmed I have markers for arthritis – so I have to at some point get that further investigated. But the drug I’m about to take could help with my bone/joint pain…
This drug that I am about to possibly take is scaring the absolute life out of me though, like it is hardcore. Every time I read about it, something new pops up and makes me feel physically sick at how intense it is. It’s used (in larger doses) for chemo. So yeah, there is a whole host of side effects that can come along with that and then we have to play the game of is the side effect worth tolerating so I am “better”. I’m just praying I can stay on the minimum dose and manage my disease and have zero side effects. That is the best case scenario.
So yeah that’s my thoughts for now… Thank you for understanding why this post is all over the place and Lord only knows if you understood my ramblings. But maybe this was meant to be written, just to keep my own sanity or maybe you are dealing with something similar and that’s why you stumbled upon this mess of words and emotions.
I get it – this disease is dreadful (I have a few other colourful words for it, but I’ve already sworn twice in this post…) and I’m sorry if what I’ve written here hits home, if you can relate or you are dealing with or have dealt with something similar.
Feel free to reach out to me on my social media if you wish. Praying for you and for me!

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And friends, if you are dealing with a hard time in your life health related or not – I am praying for you. Sometimes we cannot see why we are struggling in certain seasons, we can’t see the big picture of why and our life – but He can. Every little thing in our life, the good, the bad, the heartbreak and the regret – it’s all for a reason. One day you understand why, but gosh I know what it’s like to be in the trenches of it, wading through so many emotions with your hands in the air going “Why? Why this? Why me? Aren’t you meant to love me?” I get it. I’m there, I’ve been mad at Him and now I’m just heartbroken & feeling very low… I do not have time to be sick, my life is so full and rich in excitement – we have so much to do and enjoy and I can’t. I want to be living my best life and right now I feel like I just survive most days, I collapse into bed sore & worn out. I do know I have to learn to stop over committing so much, the other weekend I had to pull out of some fundraising work I was doing and I hated it, letting people down was awful. But I had to put me first, I couldn’t do that, do what I needed to at home and feel ok. I was so weak, but I am learning to realise I can’t “do it all”.
97.5% of the time I pile on the makeup, plaster on the smile and I’m good to go. Even when it hurts to just walk – I don’t care – I am pushing this illness to the back of my mind – ignoring it. Maybe you get that, maybe something else is hurting you and you just push it down and ignore it. But eventually we have to face it, we have to deal with it – even when it’s scary & confronting or unknown… If we push it aside & down forever it just grows & becomes worse, than we are dealing with an even worse mess! This can be a health problem, anger, hurt – anything. They are all so similar. No matter the problem, everything needs to be eventually dealt with. And when we have to do that, it’s so wonderful to be surrounded by people who love you and support you, but sometimes you are alone or no one else gets it. If you have no one else, He is there. He put it before you, He will bring you through it. I keep telling myself that, our Lord gave me this challenge (and I am not impressed by it nor do I get why…) but I just have to trust His timing, His plan and have faith that He will get me through it. Scary drugs and all… I’m thankful that it’s this and nothing worse, but far out I just wish it was something relatively basic, like I don’t know a cold… But it is what it is, and I just have to trust that He already knows the outcome, what happens is His plan.
Still pissed about it, but I have faith, I’ll be ok – just not right at this very moment…
Thanks for reading (especially if you made it all the way to the end.)  Your support means more than you realise.

If you would like to donate towards research for a cure for IBD and also help to raise awareness please CLICK HERE…  

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A few verses & quotes that have helped me recently…

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:1-2

The only way God can show us He is in control, is to put us in situations we cannot control.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds” declares the Lord. Jeremiah 30:17

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Psalm 56:3

Jesus replied, “you do not realise now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” John 13:7

God will redeem your pain and replace it with purpose. Priscilla Shirer

When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord; he brought me into a spacious place. Psalm 118:5

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. Romans 5:3-4

Dear brothers and sisters. when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1:2-4

We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy. Colossians 1:11

So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail or abandon you. Deuteronomy 31:6

Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come to test you, as if something strange were happening to you. 1 Peter 4:12

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Your illness doesn’t define you, your strength and courage does.

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Prayers & blessings for our new home.

When our home was at frame stage the day before it was due to be gyprocked/sheeted we went and had a picnic dinner (it was actually on Mother’s Day) and I wrote scriptures, prayers and blessings on the frame work.
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This was something small but special to us. We know on our foundation are words of truth and love, even though they are not visible we know they are there and we like to believe our home will be better because of it. I have been asked a few times by a few ladies to share what we wrote, so please find the list (sorted by room) below…

Prayers & blessings for our home…

Entry.

  • You will blessed when you go in and blessed when you got out. Deuteronomy 28:6
  • But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15
  • Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Jeremiah 29:5
  • The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you. The Lord turn his face towards you and give you peace.
    Numbers 6:24-25
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Kitchen/Pantry/ Dining.

  • Taste and see the Lord is good. Psalm 34:8
  • Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers. For by doing so some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. Hebrew 13:2
  • Give us today our daily bread. Matthew 6:11
  • They broke bread together and ate together with glad and sincere hearts. Acts 2:46
  • Bless the food before us, the family beside us and the love between us. Amen.
  • Deuteronomy 8:3 is another nice verse, which I didn’t use but I feel it could be used.

Living room & foundation/frame work.

  • By wisdom a house is built and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures. Proverbs 24:3-4
  • Love one another as I have loved you. John 13:34
  • For no one lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 1 Cor 3:11
  • Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builder is wasted. Psalm 127:1
  • Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt. So that you may know how to answer everyone. Col 4:6
  • “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
  • The Lord will fight for you, you need to be still. Exodus 14:14
  • For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything. Hebrews 3:4

Our bedroom.

  • Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. 1 Cor 13:4-7
  • Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Col 3:18
  • Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Cold 3:19
  • We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19
  • Be completely humble & gentle, be patient bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2
  • I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine. Songs 6:3
  • I found the one my heart loves. Songs 3:4
  • Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labour. If either falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one maybe over powered, two can defend themselves. A cord of 3 strands is not quickly broken. Ecc 4:9-12
  • You could also write your wedding vows.
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Kids’ bedrooms.

  • Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young. But set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12
  • When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Proverbs 3:24
  • Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring is a reward from Him. Psalm 127:3
  • The lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves you. He will take great delight in you; in His love He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. Zeph 3:17
  • I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
  • I prayed for this child and Lord has granted me what I asked of Him. 1 Samuel 1:27
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We included the kids in this process and they were able to draw in their rooms, LuLu wrote both of their names and Tommy did a little scribble.
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Daughter’s bedroom.

  • She is clothed in strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom. Proverbs 31:25
  • You are altogether beautiful my darling, there is no flaw in you. Songs 4:7
  • Keep shining beautiful one, the world needs your light.
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Son’s bedroom.

  • Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged; for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
  • My son, do not forget my teachings, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong you life many years and bring you peace and prosperity. Let love & faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck. Write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favour and a good name in the sight of God and man. Proverbs 3:1-4
  • And she loved a little boy, very, very much. Even more than she loved herself.
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Playroom/rumpus.

  • Finally, all of you be like-minded, be sympathetic, love another, be compassionate and humble. 1 Peter 3:8
  • I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.
    3 John 4
  • Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Col 3:20

Bathrooms.

  • Give us clean hands & pure hearts. Psalm 24:4

Closets.

  • And over all these virtues put on love, which binds the all in perfect unity. Col 3:14
  • Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you maybe able to stand your ground and after you have done everything to stand, stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit which is the word of God. Pray in the spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers & requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for the Lord’s people. Ephesians 6:13-18
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Laundry.

  • Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. Psalm 51:7
  • Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as for the Lord and not for men.
    Col 3:25

Office/study.

  • “In all your ways submit to Him He will make your path straight. Proverbs 3:6
  • Jesus looked at them and said “with man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” Mark 10:27

Prayers for the new house & little blessings/quotes.
(I wrote these around the entry way/hallway – a spot we will walk by countless times each day.)

  • New home, new adventure, new memories.
  • Dear Lord, may this home be a place of joy, health, laughter and love. A place of happiness & contentment, of generosity and faith. A place of kindness & support, of day dreams and hard work, of memories made & traditions begun. May those who live and visit here know only blessings, peace & love. Amen.
  • Home; where family gathers, friends meet & roots grow.
  • Home; A story of who we are. A collections of things we love.
  • A house is made of walls & beams, a home is built with love & dreams.
  • May your walls know joy; may every room hold laughter & every window open to great possibility.

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I hope you found this list helpful & encouraging. This was something so special to us and I am so thankful to a sweet friend who suggested we do this. I chose these verses & quotes just because when I was researching what to include, these are the ones that jumped out to me. Your choice of scripture maybe totally different to mine and that is ok.
(For a house update video CLICK HERE)

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Lent 2016 – it is almost EASTER! {Sunday Series}

“Lent is a journey that moves us toward the cross.”

Hello dear friends, 
I had every intention to post this last Sunday, but I never got a chance to sit down and write it & lucky me I have been battling a bit of writers block… So, this afternoon I forced myself to sit down and write! 
So here is a bit of a Sunday Series on a Wednesday and I know it’s been awhile between Sunday Series – sorry. 
It is February 17th – we are over half way through the 2nd month of 2016 – what? Summer is almost gone (not complaining about that!) and Easter is almost here. 
Yes you read right, Easter is NEXT MONTH! Sunday the 27th of March is Easter, like we are already in Lent! 
Speaking of Lent, have you given up anything or added anything to your life?
This year…

  • I have given up something that normally I couldn’t go a day or so without at least 1 can of – coke. Yes, I love coca-cola – I know it’s awful & bad for me – which is why I am giving it up. It’s an indulgence I don’t need. And I went straight up cold turkey, no gradual weaning – I just gave it up. 
  • I am also adding more stillness to my life. More moments to soak life in and more time for me to sit and read. I am reading more instead of watching YouTube videos – normally when I go to bed I will spend 1/2 hour – 1 hour catching up on YouTube, but I am dedicating some or most of that time to reading now. 
  • I am also working my way through our possessions to make a large donation pile to donate to a local winter clothing/blanket drive this year. (If you are local to the Toowoomba area and can recommend a charity or church that does a winter appeal, please let me know!)

In my mind I have ticked the 3 main boxes of Lent. Prayer, fasting & almsgiving. Now I don’t mean that you have to use Lent as a check list & you have to do these things – to me, religion and everything that goes along with it is personal and open to your own interpretation. As long as what you are adding or subtracting to your life is a positive, I think it’s great. To me giving up something I really liked is a form of fasting (it is also a win-win because it will make me healthier), setting aside more time for stillness and just quiet also opens me up to more prayer time and bundling up some gently used coats and blankets we no longer need will help someone in need. 
These 3 main things are important to me; my health, simple/slow living where I can enjoy life & have times of stillness and also, helping others. 
Have you given up something? I would love to know! 
I leave you with a few sneak peek pictures of my Easter decor, I’ll be setting it more over the next week and if you like I can share the photos of it completed in an upcoming post.

If you want to share any of your easter decor pictures or what you have given up for Lent, connect with me on social media or leave a comment below!
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Some pretty pieces I picked up today from Bed Bath N Table Isn’t the tiny bunny in a teacup just so darn sweet!!! …
Posted by Modern Wife Life 31 on Sunday, February 7, 2016

These sweet little bunnies came home with us yesterday from Lincraft The pink bunny is for LuLu’s bedroom & the…
Posted by Modern Wife Life 31 on Friday, February 12, 2016

Sunday Series; Why do I believe in God. {Q&A}

Sunday Series…
Welcome back…
I haven't done one of these in a little while…
But I thought I would get back to basics.
Answer some really real & simple questions, questions that I have had put to me at one point or another either directly or indirectly…
Why? Why do you believe in God?
Short answer, because I do and it makes perfect sense to me.
Long answer… How can I not believe in God? Every single second of the day there is evidence of God. My daughter is the best example I have of our great God, I prayed every day for a couple of long & very trying years for her & now that we have her I thank Him every day. I guess it depends on your mindset though, but I constantly see God. It might be a beautiful sunrise or sunset, it maybe a random kookaburra when I am driving somewhere (that bird holds special meaning to me), it may just be something goes my way or something doesn't go my way and then eventually I realise why it didn't. There are endless examples of God to me. But it is how I choose to look at the world.
I don't claim to be perfect & I sure know I am not the "perfect Christian" – but I do certainly try. But I am a normal sinner like everyone else in this world, I know I fail & am not always a good person, but I know our Lord Jesus Christ loves me & died for my sins. I know sometimes I probably make God shake his head & probably put his head in hands in disbelief at what I have done or sometimes do, but it is part of being human – we all make wrong calls, we all sin, we all are imperfect people – but we are perfectly us and everything we do is for a reason and is part of a greater plan. But that is my belief. 
Basically, I believe in God because I can. Because to me it makes sense, I would prefer to live a life believing in God than get to heaven & have lived my life as someone who never accepted Jesus Christ into my heart and realise I am not getting into heaven. 
I believe because I can't go a day without seeing some form of evidence that our God exists. I believe because in my soul & heart – it feels right. There is no hard evidence I can give you, but there is no evidence you can give me that proves he doesn't exist.

Great if you believe, but why do you openly speak about it so much? Aren't you a hypocrite because you aren't a perfect Christian? 
This one confuses & frustrates me a lot! 
I've never once, ever claimed to be a perfect person. I will be the first to throw my hand in the air and admit I am flawed. Heck, I have a temper, I swear, I like to drink every now & then and our good Lord knows all that and more. He knows every single part of me, the good, the bad & the downright dreadful. Every awful thought and every good deed – he knows it all. And why shouldn't I use the platform I've been given to talk about my belief in religion? About what being a Christian means to me. I think me being ridiculed & called hypocritical is fairly low. 
At the end of the day what God knows about me is infinitely more important than what other people think of me. So I just don't really care about the negative opinions of others, especially if they are because I am proud of my faith.
I feel it is also biblical to be proud of being a Christian, it states in the bible that we are to go into the world & proclaim God's word. (Mark 16:15) It doesn't matter though if that is only speaking to a friend or using a platform that we are given to talk about God, it comes down to your own interpretation. 
At the end of the day, I am not ashamed of believing in God & I don't know why I would be. I almost question how serious some people are in their beliefs if they are too ashamed to openly speak about Jesus.
I been told by people that they don't speak about Jesus Christ because they find the people who preach the gospel hypocrites because they aren't perfect Christians. My very simple response to that is if we were sitting around waiting for a perfect Christian to spread the word of God we would be waiting forever. As I previously said I am not perfect nor is anyone else walking this earth.
I don't write posts about religion to offend people, that isn't my goal here. My goal is just to show I am proud of my beliefs & to simply maybe change 1 persons outlook on being a Christian or help someone else be proud of the way they feel. I try to explain why I feel the way I do, to explain situations I face & how I deal with them and just be honest about my faith. If this isn't for you that is fine. But don't ridicule me for it. 

Why believe now? I knew you back when you were a young adult & you didn't seem to believe then?
Fair call to an extent… I attended a catholic school for pretty much the first 9 years of my schooling life, so I have always had knowledge about religion & did study it. I also did alter serving at the church we attended. So I've always known there was a God & believed. I had some serious doubts when I was about 12 & my Pop passed away. I've now matured and have a totally different outlook on death, which we can discuss another day. But no, I didn't openly believe in God when I was younger, I believed but it wasn't something I spoke about or acted on. It has taken me a few years to get where I am today. A lot of it started by meeting Trent. Not saying he changed me or made me this way. It was more to do with the idea of getting married. I see marriage as a very special & religious act and when we were starting to prepare for our wedding & starting a family I became a lot more interested in my faith. It has just grown from there & the more I devote myself to learning & devoting myself to God the more confident I am to openly speak about my faith. 

I love this. It can be interpreted in a few ways, but for this post I think it is very meaningful – I am not ashamed about talking about God or my faith because my heart is full of belief.  

Right, well I still don't believe.
That is totally fine & your call. I pass no judgement on you for that but in return I expect that you should pass no judgement on me. I pray one day you want to accept Jesus Christ as your saviour and into your heart & if you ever want to have a chat about faith make sure you remember I am here.

Have a blessed Sunday friends.

Sunday Series; Adding & Subtracting this Lent.

Let your faith be bigger than your fear. 

Hello,
Welcome back to another Sunday Series.
I want to start this post by taking a moment to remind us all to pray for those up in Central QLD who were affected by Tropical Cyclone Marcia that made landfall on Friday as a Category 5 cyclone! Many towns in Central QLD have been damaged & some almost entirely destroyed. I have many friends in Yeppoon & Rockhampton who have had their homes affected, at this moment they are still without electricity, phone service is patchy & supplies & clean water are limited in the town. I pray that they stay in good spirits & that the damage can be easily fixed and that electricity, phone service & water supply is restored soon! Stay strong guys, we are all thinking of you! We also thank God that we have heard of no serious injuries or fatalities from the cyclone. 

Photos from the last time I was in Yeppoon, 3 years ago. 

This past week Lent started. Tuesday was ‘Shrove Tuesday’ & the following day was ‘Ash Wednesday’ – the start of Lent. 
(For those who don’t know what ‘Shrove Tuesday’ is, it is the day before the start of Lent where people would use up their ‘rich foods’ to start a period of fasting. (There is a lot more technical history to it, but I doubt you all want to read about it!))
In todays world it’s more about eating pancakes and forgiveness. Shrove is basically defined as confessing sins to a Priest. We can translate that now as admitting our sins to God and asking for forgiveness and also being forgiving towards others. 
I must admit I always find the forgiving part a little hard. The past year I’ve been hurt not just by just the normal person who annually causes me grief, but also by a very close friend & that has really hurt my heart. I have forgiven everyone who has hurt me in my life, but that doesn’t mean I have to allow people into my life who hurt me. I think we have to be smart when it comes to who we let in, I think running after someone who has treated you badly is idiotic, I will never beg someone to be apart of my life, because if they wanted to be there they would. So I let go of the anger, the pain & I just move on. I leave nonsense, pettiness, cruelty & disloyalty behind. I’ve forgiven people for the hurt, but that is so I am not bottling up anger inside myself – holding onto anger that I have towards people for being cruel to me is not healthy and I refuse to do it. 
I understand that God forgives me each time I may sin so who am I to really condemn someone, at the end of the day that is up to God, not me. 
Anyway, moving on…
So after Shrove Tuesday comes Ash Wednesday which marks the start of Lent for 2015. Lent is the period of 40 week days before Holy Thursday (the day before Good Friday). 
So for Lent it is common to give up something to symbolise the sacrifice Jesus made for us. Traditionally it was rich foods and meat, so people would fast for the period of Lent. But today it can be anything, alcohol, chocolate, social media etc. This year I have to admit I was struggling to think of something to give up, previous years I have given up stress, procrastination, alcohol, swearing, negativity etc. I cannot give up all my social media accounts, I was considering shutting down my Facebook but I really love being able to show my Mum photos daily of LuLu. 
So this year I’ve decided to give up on; 

  • Worrying about those who couldn’t care less for me 
  • I want to reduce the amount of take-out food we purchase, make even more home cooked meals!
  • Let go of anger & stress. Just let go of any negative feeling… 

And my things to add into my life; 

  • More prayer time (whether it be more devotionals, more quiet time just however I can in a moment for God & I etc) 
  • More happiness 
  • More patience
  • More peace
  • More quiet 
  • Be a better wife, Mum, daughter & sister (daily goals!) 
  • Blog more
  • Be more grateful

Giving up something for Lent is symbolic to the sacrifice that Jesus made for us and the 40 days and nights he spent in the desert and teaches us to practice self discipline. I think it is something wonderful to do and a good way to start positive habits in life. The things we try to give up for Lent should be things that can negatively effect our lives and the things we add to our lives should be things to make us a better person. (I hope that explanation is simple enough to understand, I know some topics in religion can be kind of confusing!) 
I believe all the things I have picked are positive and will help me become a better person! 


What have you decided to give up and add for Lent? Even if you aren’t religious this could be a good time to say I will cut back on soft drink, alcohol, sugar, negativity etc for 40 days and then try to continue it on past the 40 day point. There are so many possibilities and this is just a good chance to do something positive for yourself. 

Even if you have already given up something for Lent, I encourage you to add something positive in & if you are religious add more of your Faith into your routine! 
Have a glorious Sunday!



Lent is a pause button. It is a quiet unlike any other time of year. Lent is a season to close our eyes as the busy world buzzes around us, to consider those things we’d much rather forget: our sin and our humanity. We came from dust, and to dust we will return. – She Reads Truth.