Ok, so I still feel stuck in this creative funk/writers block mode and it’s getting me so down. So I figured I should just start typing and see how it goes…
There is nothing planned for this post, so Lord knows how it’ll end up, but let’s chat.
Trent just got home from work and bought KFC because today felt like one of those days where I just felt defeated… I made the kids dinner but I felt miserable/sick (stupid body) at the time and didn’t want to eat with them, so I ate with Trent.
You know those days, where you feel drained and just worn down and touched out. Yeah, it was one of those…
I think that’s my downfall with my motherhood, I can feel touched out. I’ve never been a huge “hugger” or anything, so maybe that plays into it. Now don’t misread that, I love cuddling my kids and husband… But 24/7 can be a bit much.
Trent does huge shifts – and my kids are big on attachment. I cuddle Tommy to sleep (like I did with Lucy) and he is currently very attached to me & is incredibly shy to anyone he doesn’t know, LuLu loves to be near me most of the time and both of them usually/eventually end up in our bed at some point during the night. So it’s a lot contact time, which I love, but 24/7 over a course of a few days where I’m the main one at home, it can feel a bit draining. And I end up feeling like a vacation to an isolation cell would be darn dandy. But usually, 7pm rolls around and Trent walks through the door and after he has eaten & had a shower – I pass the baton to him for a few hours and I recharge. Well, that’s how it normally plays out, but over the last few nights we’ve both had unexpectedly late nights out (I had a meeting and Trent had some stuff to do after work the other night) so our normal routine got a bit muddled and we both weren’t getting home until after 9pm, so – it’s just been a long week. Usually I find just having a few hours to sit and read or do whatever in the evening is enough time for me to recharge and get ready for a new day of snuggles.
And this muggy and hot weather adds to the drained feeling. Because who wants to bloody snuggle when you have to peel your sleeping child off you, like I mean literally peel them off – because sweat – gross!
But I am glutton for punishment, because I love my kids cuddles. I swear I sleep better with LuLu attached to my back like a baby possum and having Tommy snuggled somewhere in between us all. Especially when Trent is on nights, I cannot sleep without them nestled in my bed, because when they are there – I know they are safe, so I sleep better.
And everyday I try so hard to soak in those fleeting moments where he still needs me to go to sleep and that I am his safe place, because I know all too soon – he won’t. I still often miss my sleepy baby LuLu bug cuddles!
I just think it’s that time of around 3pm when our day is winding down, the temperature is hot and I’m just feeling exhausted, that I get a little overwhelmed. I just TRY to remind myself these moments are so fleeting & this chapter will soon merge into another with new challenges and I will probably long for these simple challenges back! So I breathe through it, I cuddle them, put them to bed, go sit down and have a minute to collect myself and then long for that heavy feeling of a sleeping baby snuggled on my chest… It’s a funny thing parenting, you long for a minute alone and then when you have it, you long for them back! It just goes around in the circle…
Do you ever feel touched out? How do you handle it?
PS; Feeling that creative block lifting – woo hoo!!