My body confidence journey.

Hello friends,

So… I have writers block so please forgive me if this post runs off down 10 different paths, but thanks to one of my beautiful readers who suggested to write about “how to love your body” we will be talking about that today… Even though I don’t have an exact answer or solid advice, I’ll try to maybe share some insight for you on my body confidence journey – because that’s what it is…
Us women are complex creatures, very rarely are we happy with what we have, if you’re a natural blonde you want dark hair, if you have straight hair – you want long hair, if you have big boobs – you want smaller, if you’re tall you want to be short… Well sometimes. But ask any woman what she loves about herself and most will struggle with the answer, ask a woman what she doesn’t love about herself – well friend, sit back because she most likely will have a lengthy list that she can go into great detail about…
I’ll admit I’m very guilty of this, I know with makeup I look decent, I’m very tiny but I hate my butt – I want it more toned, I wish my boobs were just a little bigger – I don’t want to get a boob job though, because honestly my body is trying to kill off a natural part of itself now, bloody hell the whole thing would probably shut down if I shoved something fake into it (THIS video put me off the idea by confirming this can happen), I hate my nose and because I have scoliosis – the sides of my stomach are actually unevenly curved. I have a love hate relationship with my hair but I really like my eyebrows – those things I feel are awesome. And when I say that all I can think of is THIS video (mainly the 1:50 point – HA!) such a ridiculous thing to like – but eh, they look good and they are all natural – sure I fill them in but no one else touches them.
I am confident with my size, I love being petite but I get annoyed that I can’t find clothes I love to fit me and I hate – loathe – the comments that come along with being thin – if you wouldn’t say a similar thing to a larger lady, please don’t say them to me and trust me I eat far more than you probably do. I like that I have really defined facial bones… Once again, another odd thing to like.
But that’s my point, we women are so self critical & focus on such strange things most people in day to day life don’t even notice.
So how do we learn to love our bodies? Ourselves? To stop the negative self talk?
By embracing ourselves, by acknowledging how strong and absolutely incredible our bodies are – I have grown my babies, birthed them and pulled them out of me and onto my chest. My body is absolutely awesome. We as women can do things like that. Women survive a surgery, where they are AWAKE and being cut open to birth babies – I honestly admit I would probably up & die of fear doing that, but so many strong & amazing women do that. Womens bodies are amazing. I am surviving my body trying to kill off  a part of my insides, if your body isn’t doing that – it’s amazing. Ha, I’m joking, kind of not really – but in all seriousness, my body is doing great for surviving all that it’s been through.
Your body doesn’t deserve to hear that you don’t like your ass because it’s a bit too soft or jiggly, or you don’t like those stretch marks – you know the ones you got from growing the little people you love more than life, or that now post babies you don’t love your boobs as much because 18 year old you had awesome boobs but age, gravity, pregnancy and breastfeeding can change that. We need to shift our thinking, if you want to be toned or lose weight – work out and nourish your body with goodness, embrace the fact you’ve created humans and have been able to feed them, accept the fact we all age, change what you can but don’t hate yourself and don’t put yourself down.
Work out what makes you feel good and do more of it. Feel good with your make up on? Wear it. Feel hot in a certain type of shorts? Wear them, buy more of them. Feel confident being tanned? (Who doesn’t) Get tanned more often (fake, not natural)  For me I feel good when my eyebrows are done, I feel people can tell if I’m happy or not and tell if I think they are an idiot (ha!) when I have defined brows so I try to do them daily… It can be a big thing or a small thing, but you know what makes you feel amazing, do more of it.
In today’s world we can change most things about ourselves (fortunately & unfortunately) and if you can’t change it (like my scoliosis – stupid thing) learn to work with it or love it. I don’t recommend going crazy with surgeries or injections to achieve your “ideal look” because the ideal end result will just continue to get more extreme and then the finished product will just look, not great. But heck if you can afford to and want to go get something done, do it. Get braces – whatever. But that all being said, you can do everything to change yourself physically but you won’t love yourself or your body if you don’t change your mindset.
I may have the list of what I don’t “love” but at the same time I don’t really give a damn about those things, they are so trivial most of the time to me. I often get messages on instagram along the lines of “how can you go on stories with no makeup on” – ok sometimes I wish I had thrown some eyebrows on when I’m on a rant, but mainly I don’t really care if I’m not wearing makeup – it’s not a big issue for me. I’m happy with my skin, sure I prefer it with a good layer of double wear smeared on it – but it’s my skin, it’s me. Like the rest of me, God made me this way, I’m tiny, angry, I have freckles, wild hair & good eyebrows. I’m happy with me.
Maybe that comes with age though, because 10-12 years ago I sure as heck wouldn’t have been so confident. I grew up being told I needed to go lay out in the sun and get a tan because I was too pale “remember undo your bikini top so you don’t get back lines” – I was like 13, that I was too pale to wear certain outfits, to “suck my bum” in because it was getting big, to walk with my shoulders back, stomach in and boobs out, things I don’t ever want to repeat to my daughter.
Anyway, 12 years ago, I was not in a great place, I was not surrounded by great people most of the time. I had immersed myself in a toxic world, I *and I cringe as I admit this* did bikini competitions – yes the girl with size 10A boobs – what in the world was I thinking. Idiot. Anyway, I didn’t place in a few competitions and I asked why and that answer went down the path of “you’re boobs are too small, you’re too short, you’re not tanned enough, you aren’t sexy enough, you need the bikinis that cost $100+,  you’re hair isn’t right, you’re smile isn’t pretty enough” and the worst “you’re a bit too fat”.
FUCK OFF.
Coming from a gross fat man himself who preyed on young girls who lacked confidence. I weighed about 40kg probably less actually. I hardly ate because I worked and partied far too hard, and I was being told I was too fat. FAT!
I pray my daughter never is involved in that world, it’s hideous. (FYI I placed 3rd in two competitions eventually)
That stage which thankfully was fairly brief in my life still took a toll on me. My confidence was shot, I tried to make myself feel better about my appearance in the wrong ways, I looked for validation from the wrong people and ended up in relationships I wish I never had, I found myself in scary situations and I walked away from great people because I felt I wasn’t enough. I of course had people trying to save me, but I couldn’t be. I hated myself, I was stubborn and thought the only way to feel pretty was to be wanted.. Sure I was powerful, I ran my life & I became so tough & hard but I was a mess. The best thing I did was leaving that part of my life.
Nearly a decade on, at this point in my life I feel confident in who I am, how I look and dress. It took years to overcome that point in my life and of course I have moments I don’t love how I look – but most of the time I am fairly confident. I know that my style isn’t for everyone, I switch between a Stepford wife & a redneck who has far too many denim shorts & camo caps and I’m fine with it, just like how I am fine with my body.
So I warned you this post was going to go down a bunch of different paths, moral of that one ^^^ don’t do degrading bikini competitions and don’t listen to predatory creeps or really anyone who puts you down. If someone has something negative to say about your body or appearance walk away – occasional loving, constructive criticism is one thing, destroying people is another.

img_4725
I am so proud of who I am, my journey maybe hard to retell but it made me who I am.
img_4724
Yes, that girl thought she was too fat and had no confidence. I wish I could go back and save her from so much hurt. She deserved better. (Also damn my legs, I wish I was that “fat” now!)

The sooner we learn to love ourselves and our bodies and have a strong sense of self confidence and know we are perfect how we are, the better off we will be. We do not need validation from anyone, doesn’t matter who they are, we need to believe we are amazing. WE NEED TO.
We are safer when we know we are beautiful and we all are, in our own way – that sounds cliche but it’s true. I would’ve avoided a lot of damage from myself and others if I had believed I was fine how I was. But I understand its a constant battle. Even after having LuLu, I was told to buy the garments “to get my figure back” quickly, that for my 30th I could get a boob job, sent links for work outs and told to watch what I eat. My end pregnancy weight was about 10kg less than what an average woman weighs not pregnant – but I was still reminded of how big I was. I understand why so many women & young girls struggle with body confidence, to some people we can never be perfect, it’s exhausting and heartbreaking.
I was told if I cut my hair off I would look like a man and I would lose all my beauty, so you know what I did? I cut off my hair. Because FUCK people and their opinions. And I love my hair short, of course sometimes I want long hair again, but not for more than about 2 minutes. I will do what I want when it comes to myself, I am stronger now than I have ever been in my life and being confident, even slightly cocky with our appearance is important. We are taught as women not to be “up ourselves” that you can’t think you are hot because it’s “wrong” – it’s not. Love your darn self! Because people will always try to rip you apart, you just need to be that extra kind of strong to survive.
I am sorry I don’t have any tips to share with you, because it’s a constant learning journey with our bodies and minds. We are all so individual, but the main thing I want to reinforce is be strong in yourself, change what you can if you really want to, love you for you, love your flaws, love your best bits & work out makes you feel damn good and do more of it. And if you have a daughter, let her hear you talk positively about yourself, teach her to be strong, to be active, to eat healthy but also eat the chocolate cake, that life is about balance and that she is so incredibly beautiful exactly how she is.

Facebook.
Instagram.
Twitter.
Pinterest.
YouTube.
Snapchat; Bindy_30
Signature

Advertisements

Tips on how to have a great year & my goals for 2019.

2018 only has hours left and then we are presented with a brand new year. A year to make our own…

These are my tops tips on how to make 2019 a great year! Yes every year will have hardships and challenges, but we can strive to still make it great and just remember hard times build strength and character!

  1. Review 2018… Go back over the last year, work out what worked best for you and what didn’t. What people lifted you up and who was toxic? What habits made you feel better and which made you feel worse? Assess every aspect of your life, note down what worked and didn’t. Be mindful of these entering the new year and try to do more of the good in 2019.
  2. Set your focus. For some people resolutions work best, for others vision boards, prophetic words or phrases. Whatever works best for you, set it.
  3. Improve your health in someway. We should always work towards better health, perhaps this year you can focus on eating better, drinking more water, visiting the doctor for that check up you keep putting off, quitting a bad habit, seeing the dentist – whatever it is – make it a priority – our health is so important.
  4. Be active – this goes along with point 1, but reflect on your past year and work out what activity you enjoyed most and do more of it! It could be walking, hiking, maybe the gym motivates you, family bike rides or yoga – being active is so incredibly important.
  5. Improve where you live – our living environment reflects and effects our mental state. Work out ways to positively impact your environment, perhaps try organising your home more, decluttering, making a cleaning schedule etc.

So how do I plan to make 2019 a great year?
By following this…

Ice Cream Party (3)

2018 was a huge year for us, it was huge, busy, chaotic, stressful, exciting, worrying, upsetting and fun and I’m tired from it, so tired.
2019, I want to slow us down, I want to rest, I want less chaos.
In this new year I want to be intentional.
Intentional with my faith, marriage, parenting, words, our money, my choices, my health, my thoughts – just overall be more intentional.
I want to slow everything down, 2019 will still be a big year for us with LuLu starting prep but I want to try TRY and have a calm & slow year. So implementing more organisation, planning & simplifying into our lives, avoiding unnecessary stress & drama, saying “no” more and just allowing space for more quiet in my life.
I also want to grow in 2019, I feel I’ve grown tremendously in the last 2 years – every year we evolve but this year I want to channel my growth into certain areas… I want to grow  in my faith, I pray for more patience and wisdom for my mothering, I want to grow ModernWifeLife31, I can’t physically grow any taller – haha – but I do want to continue to grow personally & emotionally. Every year I aim to grow more, learn more and become stronger.
So that’s my focus for 2019.
I know what bought me great stress & heartache in 2018 and I plan to steer clear of it in the new year. I plan to continue working on improving my health with my specialist, I also want to see a doctor about my back as I have scoliosis, I need to book us all in to see a dentist for a check up and I know we need a skin check up too!
Yoga and walking is something I want to do more of. I really enjoy the calmness of yoga and a yoga class is a nice treat for myself, we live in a nice area and I want to take advantage of that and go for more walks and make it a weekly habit.
As for our home, I feel I am going into 2019 with a clean and organised home – I’ve spent the time between boxing day and new years eve cleaning and organising our home, our space has been reset and we are ready to enter 2019. But we will continue to work on landscaping our block and decorating our home. I also want to continue to declutter our home.
But that’s about it, I have my same general list I stick to each year as well which you can read on THIS blog. 

Well friends, in a few short hours 2019 will be here, I hope 2018 is a year you can look back on fondly even if it’s just knowing you’ve left stronger than how you entered it. And I pray 2019 is a beautiful & great year for you.

Happy New Year, Bring on twenty nineteen! (This is the last year in our lifetime that we will have a year ending in teens!)

Facebook.
Instagram.
Twitter.
Pinterest.
YouTube.
Snapchat; Bindy_30
Signature

 

Shortbread recipe.

Hi friends,

I hope you are all having a beautiful December.
Today I did a little Christmas baking (Kringle the elf insisted we do it), so shortbread was made!

img_1571
This is my shortbread recipe, I posted it over on Bella In Bindyland years & years ago, but I thought it was worth sharing here!

bake bread (1)

It’s a simple recipe but always seems to be a winner. I personally don’t eat a lot of shortbread, so it’s not my favourite – but Trent loves it and every time I take a box to a party or get together they always disappear quickly.

Ingredients:

  • 175g or 1 1/2 cups of  plain (all purpose) flour
  • 125g or 3/4 cup of rice flour
  • A pinch of salt.
  • 200g unsalted butter, softentend
  • 4 tablespoons of caster (super fine) sugar
  • Extra caster sugar for sprinkling on the biscuits when they are baked

Directions: 

  1. Preheat your oven to 190 degrees (or 375 degrees F).
  2. Line baking trays with baking paper.
  3. In a separate bowl sift the two kinds of flour together, add a pinch of salt to the bowl.
  4. In your mixing bowl cream the butter and sugar together until light & fluffy.
  5. Slowly add flour mix to creamed butter & sugar, gently mix until combined.
  6. Roll out dough into a disc and cover with baking paper or cling wrap. Place in fridge to chill for 1/2 hour.
  7. Now with a cookie cutter cut out shapes!! (If you don’t want to do this, you can make it in a slice tray and just pre-cut little squares into the dough every 3cm).
    I just think stars look pretty!
  8. Bake for 5 minutes, then reduce oven temperature to 150degrees or 300 degrees F & cook for a further 15-20 minute or until shortbread is a light golden colour.
  9. Remove from oven and sprinkle caster sugar over top while still warm.
  10. Cool on rack and then enjoy!

This recipe made about 60 small stars.

I hope you enjoy this recipe and if you make it please let me know.

Facebook.
Instagram.
Twitter.
Pinterest.
YouTube.

Signature

img_1574

Elf on the shelf plan & Dec 1st box video!

Hey everyone,

Ok December is TOMORROW… I really thought it was just new years… But here we are almost at Christmas!!
Anyway – December 1st means…. THE ELF ARRIVES!

img_0524
Elf house construction has been happening for the past few days here…

Yes, if you remember from previous years – we have an elf, Kringle…
In our house we go all out, I love Christmas and love any excuse to be over the top festive!
I’m not really a fan of the elf doing naughty antics, so I plan more funny little set ups or he shows what we are doing for that day…
Tomorrow he will arrive and bring with him our 1st of December box full of lots of goodies for the children, I just posted a video showing the contents of the box – so please CLICK HERE to watch that!
Here is our monthly plan for Kringle’s time with us…

img_0503

Now I don’t follow this plan to a tee, it’s more an outlook for our December, so I can see what’s coming up and honestly we all have those moments as we just settle in for a good nights sleep in our comfy bed and then that thought pops into our minds – “darn it – I didn’t move the bloody elf!!” and you have to get up out of bed, half asleep and find the blasted thing and think of something on the spot.
So for me this list is an attempt to avoid too many moments like that.
It’s just our basic monthly plan, I can easily see what’s planned and what is happening at a glance and be inspired…
When I have funny set ups planned, that leaves me space to search for inspiration for a new setup or use one I’ve listed to the side… Also if we have something come up in December like a Christmas outing I’ll just work it into our plan…
I also have purposely left some blank days, that’s to give flexibility to swap things around and for last minute activities or outings!
I wrote this blog post last year with 5 tips to stay sane while our little festive visitor is with us… So I highly recommend you CLICK HERE to read that!

If you would like some elf inspiration please check out the hashtag #KringleTheScottsElf on instagram to see what I’ve done in previous years, or CLICK HERE to see it.

Also for December I write out our Christmas Bucket List and this also gives me ideas for what to do during the month…

img_0504

I find writing these lists gives me constant inspiration on what to do during the month and just helps my mind be a little less cluttered with trying to remember every tiny thing.
Do you have a rough plan for what you are doing with your elf or for the month of December?? What is your favourite antic your Elf got up to last year! I would love some inspiration for new cute/funny antics! Comment below or on my social media!
Facebook.
Instagram.
Twitter.
Pinterest.
YouTube.

Signature

Exist. Get in the dang photo!

img_9431

Hey friends,

Let’s talk photos… Family photos. Professional photos and just photos in general.
I love photos, always have. Ask anyone I went to high school with, I was “that” person with the camera at every party, school camp or function and to this day I take photos, daily. Yes, daily. Photos are my love language, maybe that’s why instagram is my favourite social media…
Recently on instagram I asked how many people regularly get professional family photos done, (regular being at least once every 2 years) 
The main response was NO.
And then I asked for responses on why you do or don’t get professional photos done… And I will get to them in moment, but right now I want to tell you why I invest in getting professional photos done.
Mainly so I am actually in them – as Mums we are so often the one behind the camera. I have countless lovely photos of the children and Trent with them, but not so many of me, heck even the pets have some lovely photos I’ve captured. But I want evidence I existed too in more than just selfies! But secondly because to me, they are like gold. They are so precious and I treasure them. And I know I will for the rest of my life, so they are an investment I’m happy to make.
A big reason people listed as not getting photos done was the cost and I agree some photographers charge way too much money and some deliver really poor quality photos – but there are awesome photographers out there who are affordable, offer great deals and do exceptional quality photos.
My tips for scoring good deals with photos is wait for times like spring or christmas when many photographers offer mini sessions, they are usually 20-30 minutes long, cost around $100 and you get 10-20 digital images… I like these sessions as they are cheap and easy.

christmas card
Our 2017 Christmas card.

Photo taken by Tina Ebenal Photgraphy.

Another way to justify spending the money on photos is write it off as a birthday gift for yourself. I did that last year. Or get an annual family photo done for the christmas card, print off and frame a few and presto easy & affordable christmas gifts for the grandparents! Or organise an extended family photo session, get everyone to chip in, then you can have full family photos, individual families and generational photos. That would be special and would make a lovely, thoughtful gift for parents or grandparents (birthday, Mother’s Day, anniversary etc) – because honestly those people never really need anything and that sort of gift I feel is so meaningful.
Another reason many people listed for not getting professional pictures done is because they do not like photos of themselves or their husbands aren’t fans of posing. Well, all I have to say to that is – do you think your kids or possible future grandkids will one day care if you think you looked good or not in a photo? One day you’ll be gone, sorry to be blunt – but we all die and all that will be left to prove we once existed will be photos. I treasure old photos of photos (yes photos of photos) I have of my grandparents, one day someone may feel the same way about your picture. Give them something more to treasure other than a selfie. And as for posing, well many photographers are happy to do lifestyle or more natural photos. You go to your session and positively interact with your family and the photographer just clicks away… Yes, they may give some direction but it isn’t so structured and posed as just sitting there and grinning. A good photographer should make you feel comfortable. I like both styles of sessions.

Our recent professional photos, taken by Tina Ebenal Photgraphy.
(highly recommend her, she is a Toowoomba & surrounds photographer)

Photos are something so special to me, I treasure them. I capture a photo of my kids daily and I document it for our family’s project 365. Basically I take one photo a day, everyday for a year, log it daily on an instagram account I have set up especially for this project and then at the start of the new year I make the previous years photos into a book. I print 2 off, one for each child. These photos range from professional images, to selfies and to photos I’ve taken on my good camera… It’s a mix of individual photos of the kids, family snaps, the kids together and with our pets… Just our day to day life, captured & documented…

To my Mum friends, I want to encourage you to be in the photo. Get in them, don’t shy away, you may not love the photo of you – but I promise you one day your kids will treasure that photo and so will you. Very soon our little loves will be grown, they’ll be busy with their own lives and we will have our photos to look back on & remember when we were their whole world… And then we will be gone and all they’ll have is those same photos. And no one knows when that’ll happen, so get in the photo. Exist.
And to Dads, take more photos of your wives! Pick up the phone and snap a photo of her sleeping in a bed with kids sprawled everywhere, take the photo of her comforting a teething baby, pick up the good camera at the birthday party and take a photo of just her and the birthday kid or you take the camera on christmas morning and snap a shot of her with the kids or you surprise her with a voucher for family photos, even if you hate them… She’ll fuss and complain and say her hair looks silly, but just take the photo. It matters.

And that’s the point, you matter. Photos matter, memories matter. One day our future generations will want to know us, give them something. I wish more than anything I had more photos of my grandparents… Something to show my kids and for me to see them – to see a glimpse into their lives back then… I use to love when my Nin would show me old albums of the family, I loved sitting at the kitchen table and seeing the black & white and sepia toned images and having her point out who was who and telling me the stories behind each photo… I promise you one day someone will want to see a photo of you.
Investing $100 into a photo session for some lovely photos you didn’t have to set a self timer for I feel is money well spent, but if you can’t justify spending that money and I understand not everyone can, ask a friend with a camera to snap a photo and then do the same for her family. Or if you and your family are out somewhere all dressed up, ask someone to snap a photo of you all, try and use a good quality camera if you can! Heck, you don’t even have to be dressed up, just grab your tribe, stand in some good lighting, throw someone who isn’t a family member a camera, all huddle together and smile.
Get a picture somehow. But I do highly recommend investing in professional photos at least once every 2-3 years.
Bottom line is, just get in the dang photo! Be present, exist.

Let me know your thoughts and connect with me on social media…
Facebook.
Instagram.
Twitter.
Pinterest.
YouTube.

Signature

 

Our story with Kawasaki Disease.

Our story with Kawasaki Disease.

img_8953

Kawasaki’s disease.
Ever heard of it before? Nope, me either – it’s uncommon, but it’s serious and I feel more parents should know about it…
Please read THIS FACT SHEET to learn more (seriously, click that and read it, learn the symptoms)
This is a disease that should be on every parent’s radar. It is noncontagious but it’s very serious and needs treatment in under 10 days to help reduce the risk of long term damage to the heart.
Let me tell you our story with Kawasaki’s….

Saturday the 20th of October – LuLu’s party day, we woke up and our little man was just a bit “off” – nothing major, just grumbly and a bit clingy. He enjoyed the party and spending time with his Nan, but he didn’t eat as much as normal and we all agreed it was probably due to a big molar he was cutting. That afternoon he started getting lethargic and that night was dreadful. He was awake screaming & he had a fever in the high 38c’s.
Sunday morning when we woke up he had a rash on his tummy, by the time we had finished breakfast and we changed his nappy again it had spread to his back. So off to the hospital emergency department we went.
The doctor thought it could be just a viral thing – possibly hand, foot and mouth, I didn’t feel it was that – but being a viral thing made sense – kids get those.
By 4pm that same day the rash had intensified, so back to the hospital we all went. This time a new doctor said it was a random allergic reaction, Tommy was given an antihistamine and then steroids.

img_8947
This was his rash just before 4pm on Sunday evening.

We went home after a few hours and when we woke up Monday morning around 6am the rash had faded and he seemed to be on the mend.
A few hours later before 9am, the doctor from the hospital called and wanted us to return, she believed it maybe scarlet fever. By the time we arrived at the hospital, Tommy had gone back down hill and the rash had returned. (The steroids and antihistamine had masked the rash temporarily) We were given a script for penicillin and went home. At midday he started vomiting, I contacted the hospital they said it could just be the combination of scarlet fever, high temperatures and medicine making him a little unwell. He threw up a few more times and then again after we woke on Tuesday morning and now he had diarrhoea. We took him back to the hospital.
This time he had a blood test straight away and a cannula was inserted to start fluids.

img_8948
His “bear paw” – his first cannula.

They ran many tests; blood cultures, x-ray and from memory I think they started a broad spectrum antibiotic. And they started organising transfer to Toowoomba either by ambulance or care flight – which ever could come first. Ambulance it was.
Dalby Hospital did everything they could for our little man and their level of care was great. I can’t fault them for the multiple diagnosis, from what I have read this is very common in the early stages of Kawasaki’s because the rash and symptoms continually change and the symptoms could be many different illness, it’s all a process of elimination. The doctors and nurses really cared for him and we are so thankful.
Before 2pm on Tuesday we were loaded into an ambulance with a lovely nurse, I’ve never been in an ambulance before so that was an experience and I sat beside him holding his hand for our very quick trip. Trent and Lucy followed behind.

img_8949
I sat in the seat beside him on the right and he slept most of the trip. Thankfully we got there very quickly.

We arrived at the base hospital in Toowoomba, we were told paediatricians were on stand by waiting for us – we weren’t seen at all by one, so there may have been so miscommunication. Tommy threw up all over me again while we waited. We ended up asking for a transfer over to the private hospital and drove ourselves there. We couldn’t watch him become more unwell and no one could tell us when he would be seen properly. The base hospital was very busy.
We arrived at the private hospital at 7pm and were given a bed and a private room immediately. That night our little man suffered through more blood tests and they had to put in another cannula. He was started on more fluids and antibiotics. At this point they were worried about sepsis, a few viruses and possibly meningitis. Those possibilities were terrifying. We were exhausted at this point it was a hugely long day, I believe Trent left us at around 10pm that night to go back to Dalby.
The next few days were a blur with lots of tears, I sat in a hospital bed scared out of my mind holding our little man who just slept. He didn’t want to do anything and he was so upset. I felt like a zombie and my heart was shattered. Days earlier he was his normal cheeky self. I was wracking my brain trying to think how he got sick and I didn’t stop praying for him to get better. Trent drove in each day to be with us.
Wednesday was a rough day of more tests and this was the day he started to swell up. His little body went puffy, his hands and feet were like little balloons and his eyelids were so swollen. He is normally such a petite little guy, in hospital he gained 1kg due to the swelling. And his eyes were so red and blood shot, they looked painful.
Thursday I remember he sat up and finally ate something, he ate a jatz biscuit and a lemonade ice block for breakfast and then some weetbix. That was a huge moment, he hadn’t eaten for most of the week except a small amount of yogurt on Tuesday – which I ended up wearing anyway. He also had to have another new cannula put in that day, his 3rd one.

img_8950

During all these days we were waiting on blood test results, monitoring him constantly, weighing nappies, measuring water and our paediatrician was conferencing with the Lady Cilento paediatric team and infectious disease management team. His rash continued to spread down his arms and legs and he remained so puffy.
Thursday evening the paediatrician asked me if I had ever heard of Kawasaki’s disease… I hadn’t. She and the doctors she had been speaking to believed this is what he had, unfortunately there is no test for this disease – just ruling out other possible problems and that’s what we had been doing. Eliminating other viruses and illnesses. Every test was coming back fine, well not fine. His inflammation levels were through the roof, the highest she said she had seen in such a young child, his kidneys and liver weren’t doing great and multiple other worrying results – but for specific viruses nothing was coming back. Throat swabs, nasal swabs, stool, urine, bloods – it showed no illness – but there was clearly something going on.
We were waiting on one more test result to come back before we treated for Kawasaki’s… The only symptom that wasn’t exactly right for Kawasaki’s was his temperature wasn’t getting over 39c, but it was in the mid-high 38c – but the doctors believe the steroids he had been given on Sunday evening were effecting his fever. Because even with regular panadol & nurofen his temperature would continue to be higher than normal and he felt so hot.
The test result still wasn’t back by Friday afternoon – so we agreed it was best for Tommy to start the treatment anyway. The treatment is intravenous immunoglobulin – so it was not dangerous at all for him to have. Trent and I sat with him while the treatment happened and we prayed so much that it would work.

 

img_8951
Receiving the IVIG treatment.

Trent stayed in hospital with him that night and I went home to snuggle LuLu.
Saturday he did seem to pick up, he was more alert and playing. He was actually playing with toys! He ate more and just seemed brighter. We were so thankful that this treatment had seemed to work, if it hadn’t he would’ve had another round of it and if that failed, then he would receive a lumbar puncture – but thankfully we avoided that.
I stayed Saturday night and it was awful. We barely slept at all and I feel it was because he was more alert, suddenly he was much more aware of where he was and he was scared. So that was rough, but understandable with the constant nurse checks and flushing of his cannula. He was so sick of being poked and prodded!
On Sunday 28th/October he was weighed and was back down closer to his normal weight, we were getting our tiny little man back and after more blood tests we were discharged. It was so wonderful to get back to our big blue house and our own bed.

img_8952
The paediatric ward we stayed in, we were taken care of so well and all the staff were beautiful – but I hope we never have to return.

We saw our paediatrician the following Thursday, she said one of his blood results showed possible glandular fever as well.
The poor little guy, Kawasaki disease, possibly glandular fever, teething with molars and the paediatrician also believes he could’ve had a mild case of viral meningitis (due to his very sore head & neck).
We had another round of blood tests today (Thursday 8th/Nov) to check again for glandular fever & a bunch of other things, just to make sure everything has remained ok in his little body and we hope the glandular fever result was a wrong one and he hasn’t had that.
At the appointment we also discussed how upset and unsettled he has been since coming home. He has really good & normal moments and then he will just melt down and he is so sad, he doesn’t like being away from us and some nights he sleeps well and others he won’t settle at all… She believes his stay in hospital has traumatised him and he is suffering from a lot of stress. He still is suffering body/joint pain, peeling hands, feet & lips and appears to get very bad headaches. So all we can do is love him through this, we cuddle a lot, we carry him and stay close to him, we are gentle, we do massage and just take things easy. From the reading I have done these symptoms and the behaviour is expected and normal after Kawasaki’s.
Each day is getting better but we still have 6-8 weeks to go until we know if he has come out of this ordeal ok. In that time frame he will get an ECG done in Brisbane and that is to make sure his heart is ok. Until that test he has to have aspirin every day.
This experience was horrific. I am so thankful his issue was treatable and he responded well to the treatment, we continue to pray that his little heart will be totally fine and we have faith it will be, especially because he received treatment before day 10.

I want to encourage you, that if your child is sick and you are given one diagnosis and then they worsen/change – go back. Keep going back until the treatment works or you see improvement. You don’t have to accept one opinion. We are our children’s advocates. We have to fight for them. I knew each time in myself when he needed to go back to the hospital and I didn’t care if it turned out to be nothing, I would prefer to be known as the over cautious Mother than regret not taking him or leaving it too late. If we had just agreed it was some viral thing and tried to ride it out over a week, I hate to think of what the outcome could’ve been.
Because even in hospital with constant fluids and daily antibiotics given through his IV, regular pain relief and routine observation they were describing him as flat and not improving. I hated hearing that at each shift handover, I just wanted to hear he was improving – but I knew he wasn’t but I also knew he was in the best place and was being taken care of.
This was easily the most scary and awful week of our life. One I wish on no one and my heart breaks for families going through worse ordeals than this, gosh I can’t even imagine it. I know we are fortunate that it was this and nothing more serious.
So what caused this? It is unknown, it could’ve been anything – most likely just a basic germ and his little body sent it’s immune system into over drive causing all of his arteries throughout the body to become inflamed. Prior to the Saturday he hadn’t seemed unwell or anything, so we are puzzled. But we are praying this ordeal is now over and his ECG will come back with good results.

This blog post was created to draw awareness to Kawasaki’s disease. If you are concerned your child has Kawasaki’s please go to your nearest hospital or GP. If your child has this and you need support please feel free to email me at modernwifelife31@gmail.com and I can connect you with a great support group.
I pray you never experience this disease first hand, but if you do, know you aren’t alone.
Thank you to so many of you for your genuine kindness, concern and compassion over the past few weeks.
We would appreciate any prayers or positive thoughts towards healing and good results.

Thank you.

Once again, please click on these links and educate yourself on this disease and share this post or those pages with any other parents you know.
Kawasaki Disease fact sheet from Royal Children’s Hospital Melbourne
Kawasaki Disease foundation Australia 

5.

Tomorrow she is 5.

FIVE!

I’m dumbfounded by that…

I still remember the moment I was handed her and I looked down and said “hi baby” and I was so scared and so in love. I had never held a baby so small before, she was perfect.

img_7358
I still look at her and I’m so blown away by how perfect and incredible she is. But in hospital those first few days I was a tiny bit more obsessed, I took photos of her ears & hands – wanting to remember every detail about her and still I don’t feel I have enough to truly remember every tiny thing. So I wish I could go back and relive it all again.


I remember thinking I was losing my mind because I could not stop sniffing her, even if I tried I just couldn’t stop. Everything about her to me was amazing and I didn’t even want to sleep. I laid there staring at her, absolutely exhausted but just watching her because she was the most wonderful little person I had ever seen.

The last 5 years have sped by at a rapid rate and it’s quiet depressing! I feel like I’m digging my heels in, trying my hardest to pull time back or at least slow it down. But I can’t. So I have to be present and ride this wave with her.

She’s so amazing, (I’ll probably say that 10 more times in this post), but she really is. She was a really easy baby and is a pretty incredible kid. I’m so thankful to God for blessing us with her. We are lucky parents.

She can be a typical little kid, but she’s also wise beyond her years and we can reason with her. She appreciates honesty and being told exactly what’s going or why something is happening. She is not the sort of kid you can say “just because” to. As her kindy teachers and I laugh about, LuLu likes being informed, knowing proper answers on everything from why the sky’s blue to how is bread made and 1000 other questions – daily…

She loves her daddy and brother so much. Her Dad can calm her in any situation and he has an amazing bond with her. For example, when she had her 4 year old vaccinations I believe she shed only 1 tear. She didn’t even flinch, Trent sat there with her and she was brave. Because her daddy was there and he told her it would hurt but only for a quick second and then she would be ok. She trusted him and was the bravest kid. That moment still makes me so proud. I love how close they are.

Sure she can be a typical little preschooler, she has a temper and will argue to make you see her point (no idea where either of those traits come from) but my word she’s awesome. Just a magical little girl that makes my heart burst daily.

She’s the light of our lives. From the second she arrived she bought with her joy and light into our lives.


She’s a force to be reckoned with and will fiercely stand her ground. She is a sweet little girl who will love on her baby dolls and play with her barbies and she’s a rough and tumble kid who loves the outdoors. She loves it when I paint her nails and she often asks to wear my lipstick, but gosh she’ll jump at the chance to go fishing or hunting with her daddy. She loves her brother more than anyone, she’s a beautiful big sister – but she’ll also get cross at him for messing up her toys, but then instantly will baby him again. She’s gone from having such little hair I worried if it would ever grow to having a head full of crazy & curly hair! She’s bold, daring and adventurous and loves to be challenged. She loves fairies and one day will love unicorns and the next day dislike them greatly. She rarely likes princesses, unless of course she’s with her best friend or thinking of her, because then her bestie likes them. She’s a kind and thoughtful little friend who generously gives out compliments and has a beautiful little heart. She loves to draw and paint, is so intelligent and has a great sense of self confidence. And also has amazing strength and athletic ability (didn’t get that from me). She displays empathy and also is great at being rational. She is such a level headed little kid that it shocks some people, but then she’ll prance off pretending to be a ballerina…
She’s a perfect mix of wild and sweet and I pray so hard she always keeps that fire inside of her. The fire that makes her hard to parent somedays, the one that makes me pray for wisdom on how to raise her, the fire that makes her question every single thing I do or say or tell her to do… That fire will make her a strong force to be reckoned with. I believe girls need that and I know whatever she chooses to do with her life that fire will help her be successful and no one will ever take advantage of her. Lord, I hope she keeps it. I parent her carefully – trying not to squash it out.


She’s a one of a kind daughter and gosh I’m thankful to God He chose us for her.

I am mind blown she’s about to be 5. Mind blown also that we have been parents for 5 years. Gosh I hope the next 5 don’t speed by so quickly.

LuLu, we love you dearly – you are the light of our lives and we are so incredibly proud of the amazing little girl you’ve grown into.

Happy 5th birthday. 💖

Love Mumma. x

img_7356